I’ve been working as a technical consultant to the paper industry for several decades.
Clients hired me because they saw me as a subject matter expert. They would often ask some version of:
“What should we do?”
And I usually answered exactly as they asked.
I told them what I thought they should do.
At the time, that felt completely appropriate. They were paying for expertise, and I believed expertise meant providing the answer.
But there was a problem.
On a very small number of occasions, clients chose not to follow my recommendations. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, I paid close attention. I’ve always had a strong desire to improve what I do, and I wanted to understand why that happened.
Eventually, I realized the issue wasn’t the client.
And it wasn’t the question they were asking.
The issue was that I had long been in the habit of telling people what they should do. Consulting simply gave that habit a professional setting.
Then I was exposed to a very different way of communicating through High Probability Selling.
One idea stood out immediately:
Offer choices. Don’t create pressure. Pressure creates resistance.
That led me to make one very small but very meaningful shift.
Instead of telling clients what they should do, I began laying out several things they could do.
I provided my opinions of the likely outcomes of each option as clearly as I could, based upon my own experience and judgment. I avoided expressing any preference for one option over another.
And then I asked:
“What do you want to do?”
That changed everything.
The client remained responsible for their decision.
I remained responsible for providing clear expertise and honest information.
Neither of us needed to control the other.
That shift from should to could made my consulting work better.
It also aligned perfectly with what both my clients and I actually wanted:
Clear technical advice.
Clear choices.
No unnecessary pressure.
Sometimes the most meaningful changes are remarkably small.
Sometimes it’s just one word.
Earlier today, Paul Bunn shared a short video from Daniel Pink that explores the difference between should and could in a way I found both clear and compelling.
I had already experienced the practical impact of that language shift in my consulting work, but his explanation helped me understand the distinction even more clearly.
If this idea resonates with you, the video is well worth watching.
“One Word that Will Change Your Life” by Daniel Pink
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