Tag: The Language Of Selling

Should vs Could:  A Small Language Shift That Changed My Consulting Career

I’ve been working as a technical consultant to the paper industry for several decades.

Clients hired me because they saw me as a subject matter expert. They would often ask some version of:

“What should we do?”

And I usually answered exactly as they asked.

I told them what I thought they should do.

At the time, that felt completely appropriate. They were paying for expertise, and I believed expertise meant providing the answer.

But there was a problem.

On a very small number of occasions, clients chose not to follow my recommendations. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, I paid close attention. I’ve always had a strong desire to improve what I do, and I wanted to understand why that happened.

Eventually, I realized the issue wasn’t the client.

And it wasn’t the question they were asking.

The issue was that I had long been in the habit of telling people what they should do. Consulting simply gave that habit a professional setting.

Then I was exposed to a very different way of communicating through High Probability Selling.

One idea stood out immediately:

Offer choices. Don’t create pressure. Pressure creates resistance.

That led me to make one very small but very meaningful shift.

Instead of telling clients what they should do, I began laying out several things they could do.

I provided my opinions of the likely outcomes of each option as clearly as I could, based upon my own experience and judgment. I avoided expressing any preference for one option over another.

And then I asked:

“What do you want to do?”

That changed everything.

The client remained responsible for their decision.

I remained responsible for providing clear expertise and honest information.

Neither of us needed to control the other.

That shift from should to could made my consulting work better.

It also aligned perfectly with what both my clients and I actually wanted:

Clear technical advice.
Clear choices.
No unnecessary pressure.

Sometimes the most meaningful changes are remarkably small.

Sometimes it’s just one word.

Earlier today, Paul Bunn shared a short video from Daniel Pink that explores the difference between should and could in a way I found both clear and compelling.

I had already experienced the practical impact of that language shift in my consulting work, but his explanation helped me understand the distinction even more clearly.

If this idea resonates with you, the video is well worth watching.
“One Word that Will Change Your Life” by Daniel Pink

Open vs. Closed Questions – What They Do to a Conversation

An open question is one that gives the other person the greatest latitude in how they can respond.  It leaves room for choice.  A closed question narrows that latitude and places more control with the person asking the question.  In selling, the difference matters because questions do more than gather information — they shape the emotional and decision-making space of the conversation.

A simple rule is to treat any yes/no question as a closed question, and any question that begins with how, why, what, or when as an open question. That’s ok as a general guideline, but there are very important exceptions.

For instance, “Is that something you want?” sounds like a closed question, but it leaves the other person entirely free.  There is no implied preference, no momentum to maintain, and no penalty for saying no.

“How’s that working for you?” sounds like an open question, but is most commonly used as criticism, pretending to be an invitation to reflect.  While many answers are technically possible, only a few feel safe.  In that way, the question reduces choice even as it appears to expand it.

What matters is not whether a question is technically open or closed, but where control resides.  Some questions give control to the other person.  Others quietly pull it back to the person asking.

So why does that happen?  Why do we sometimes try to narrow the other person’s choices, even when we know that pressure creates resistance and makes conversations feel unsafe?  In many cases, it has more to do with habit than with intent.

Restrictive questions often feel efficient.  They can seem like a way to move the conversation along or arrive at an answer more quickly.  The cost is that they also reduce the other person’s freedom to respond — sometimes without our realizing it.  We may also end up getting answers to the wrong questions, while a more open question could have led to something deeper and more useful.

Once you begin to notice what questions do to a conversation, you start hearing them differently — including your own.  The distinction becomes less about choosing the right kind of question and more about noticing where control is showing up.  Over time, that awareness changes the conversation on its own.  Questions begin to open because there is less need to manage the answer.  And the conversation becomes a place where clearer, more useful answers can emerge — naturally, and without force.

We explored this subject more deeply Thursday 22 January 2026 in a live and interactive conversation on Zoom.  The video recording of that conversation is available here ($25 USD).

HPS Community Forum Meeting – It’s Not the Words; It’s the Intention — Thu 23 Oct 2025

Dear Readers,

You are invited to join this week’s High Probability Selling Community Forum meeting (it’s free):

It’s Not the Words; It’s the Intention Behind Them

In his article “Poison Words: The Top 6 Words that Sabotage Sales,” Jacques Werth, founder of High Probability Selling, described how certain words — like Interested, Help, Honestly, Just, Thank You, and Great — can create mistrust when used in traditional selling.

But as we’ll explore together, the real issue isn’t the words themselves — it’s the intention behind them and how we use them.
When we use words to influence or control, even harmless phrases can become “poison.”
When we speak truthfully and respectfully, even ordinary language can create a safe place for connection and trust to develop naturally.

We’ll talk about:

  • How intention shapes communication more than vocabulary
  • When some of those “poison words” might actually work with HPS
  • How to recognize and change subtle patterns in your language
  • How to de-militarize the language of sales and align words and metaphors with genuine respect

Two sessions will be offered this Thursday, October 23, 2025 (tomorrow):

  • 🕤 9:30 AM (USA Eastern) — hosted by Carl Ingalls
  • 🕡 6:30 PM (USA Eastern) — hosted by Paul Bunn

Each session will last one or two hours.  You’re welcome to attend either or both.  They will be different. 

Recordings.  Both sessions will be recorded.  Both recordings will be made available to everyone who attends either session (and provides a name plus email address).  If you are not sure that you will be able to attend, you may request the recordings in advance (by Thursday night at the latest). 

Join the Forum via Zoom: (it’s free, no need to register, just show up)
🔗 https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83436793215?pwd=amFiMVorZDFWbmxpdnJCOUphVThlUT09
(Same link for both sessions.)

We look forward to another thoughtful and authentic conversation on the principles that make High Probability Selling work.

After the Zoom meetings, this post will be replaced by a summary of what was discussed and revealed in the meetings.

De-Militarizing the Language of Sales

We tend to speak in the language that we think.  The reverse is also true.  Yet, outside of scripting, we tend to pay very little attention to our words spoken and thought.

Words thought and spoken, before, during and after a sales interaction will affect your mindset, which will affect mutual trust and respect.  Whether these words, and their associated behaviors and perceptions increase or decrease trust and respect is up to you and your awareness.

War and Military Terms Used in Sales and Marketing
Killing it
Crushing it
Nailed it
Target marketing
Targeted businesses
Closing (with the enemy; in-range)
Tactics
Strategy
Campaign
Sales Force
Captive (agent)
Capture (Lead information)
Resources
Guerilla Marketing – asymmetrical warfare
Overcome
Lay-down sale (implies surrender and submission)
Hunter (type of salesperson)
A hunter eats what they kill (quote from a hunter)
Winning sales
Losing sales

These terms create an adversarial relationship with the prospect.  They also dehumanize the other person, which may help to justify mistreatment and violence.

You often hear warlike language in sales and business culture today.  You might even use some of it yourself.

If you want to change that:
Step One:  Acknowledge your current state
Step Two:  Understand your WHY for your current state
Step Three:  Understand your WHY for your desired state
Step Four:  Test and implement new words

Here are some thoughts from other writers:

Please add your own thoughts in the comments below.

To Be Honest With You

The following was my response on Reddit to someone who suggested a salesperson say, “to be honest with you…”

Basically, be honest.  Saying you’re honest, even as a space filler, creates doubt and distrust.  Same thing with having the intention of getting prospects to trust you.  That’s inherently manipulative.  Just be trustworthy and trust the prospect first.

Radical honesty is more profitable.

Our prospects have so many choices nowadays, and they are the source of our prosperity.  “Disrespect the source of your prosperity, and it will continually elude you.”  C. Ingalls

A reply to my post on Reddit was as follows: “Never thought about it that way!”

“Being aware is more important than being smart.”  Jacques Werth

Essence of HPS – Course Rescheduled to 2024-03-04 (1 Week Later)

Introduction to the Concepts and Process of High Probability Selling (HPS)

Features of this Course:
– The meaning and purpose of selling
– The mindset (beliefs, habits, attitudes, language)
– The HPS Way of Being
– Overview of a complete HPS sale
– Taught by Paul Bunn and Carl Ingalls
(with 50+ years of combined experience with HPS)

Schedule:  Starts Monday 4 March 2024 at 3:30pm USA Eastern Time.  Two sessions (2 hours each), spaced one week apart, same day of week, same time.  Also see the HPS Calendar for updates. 

Price:  $297 USD per person
Purchase:  click here

If you have any questions, please Contact Us, or call +1 610-627-9030, or email Info@HighProbSell.com

Essence of HPS – New Course Starts 2024-02-26 Mon

Introduction to the Concepts and Process of High Probability Selling (HPS)

Features of this Course:
– The meaning and purpose of selling
– The mindset (beliefs, habits, attitudes, language)
– The HPS Way of Being
– Overview of a complete HPS sale
– Taught by Paul Bunn and Carl Ingalls
(with 50+ years of combined experience with HPS)

Schedule:  Starts Monday 26 February 2024 at 3:30pm USA Eastern Time.  Two sessions (2 hours each), spaced one week apart, same day of week, same time.  Also see the HPS Calendar for updates. 

Price:  $297 USD per person
Purchase:  click here

If you have any questions, please Contact Us, or call +1 610-627-9030, or email Info@HighProbSell.com

Thinking in the Language of High Probability Selling – Short Course

Features:

Topics include:
– The power of unspoken words.
– How to stay in the High Probability Selling (HPS) zone.
– How to recognize when mixing incompatible paradigms.
– The truth about Poison Words.  
– How to keep the thinking from getting in the way.

  • Taught by Paul Bunn and Carl Ingalls.
  • Live group webinars on Zoom, two sessions, two hours each, spaced one week apart. 
  • Webinar recordings will be sent to everyone who purchases this course.
  • Exercises will be assigned to do between sessions.
  • Coaching (one-on-one) after the course:  two sessions, 60 minutes each.

Schedule:  Starts Thursday 4 January 2024 at 11:30am USA Eastern Time.  Session #2 is one week later, same time.  Also see the HPS Calendar for updates. 

Price:  $497 USD

Sign Up & Purchase:  click here

If you purchase this course, please include your email address, so we can send you the Zoom instructions. 

Questions? Please Contact Us, or call +1 610-627-9030, or email Ingalls@HighProbSell.com

Sales Funnel… Inverted

What if you turned the typical sales funnel upside down?

In the usual way of selling, prospects are dropped into the top of the sales funnel. The salesperson, with the help of gravity, pushes them down into a narrowing path.

The upside down funnel is more like a mountain, a mountain that some people want to climb. Prospects are outside of the mountain, and free to go where they want to go without constraints.

The salesperson is more like a climbing guide, showing various ways up the mountain for anyone who wants to climb and who wants a guide. Prospects move up the mountain under their own power, against gravity, with no pushing from the guide.

It’s a different metaphor, for a different way of selling.

When Is a Sale Considered Lost?

by Paul Bunn

A student recently asked us what they should do with a list of “lost deals”.  And at what point is a deal or sale “lost”?  In their case, a lost deal equated to a person who didn’t purchase what the student was selling, in the timeframe the student wanted them to buy.

This inquiry got me thinking about one of the fundamental parts of High Probability Selling that is often overlooked; the words and language we use casually that either enhances or detracts from an effective HPS mindset.  Discerning this fundamental part requires listening to ourselves, specifically the words we choose.

My thinking and intuitive feel on the subject of a lost sale, is that a real loss only occurs if that person at that company says they never want to hear from you again.  Everyone else who doesn’t want your service now falls into “not now”.

And although we commonly use “lost” in our sales language, there is really no such thing.  You can only lose something you actually had in your possession in the first place. 

And quite clearly, although our long-conditioned sales brain may initially say otherwise, when a person says “not now” it’s obviously not about losing a sale that we had in our possession.  A sale we had in our imagination, a sale that existed in our mental map of the future perhaps, but an actual completed transaction?  I think not.

Back in prehistoric days (the late 1900’s), I would drive past a McDonald’s and the sign would say over 10 million sold.  The sign did not say that 50 million drove past a McDonald’s that century and never stopped.

What they paid attention to, and yes I used to work at McDonald’s, was the interaction with those people who stopped and bought a burger or two and some fries and a coke.  A Quarter Pounder that nobody purchased was not a lost sale.  It’s only part of an ongoing equation.

Another consideration is that sales is a person to person activity.  Companies and businesses and organizations don’t buy anything.  People are the ones who buy, or make the sale.  And they do it for their own reasons in their own time.  The goal of a High Probability Salesperson is to be in communication with them as close as possible to whenever their reasons align with the outcomes that our products or services provide, during the timeframe in which they are ready to buy.

So, at what point is a sale considered “Lost”?  So infrequently, we never really measure them.

And what do we do with a list of “lost” deals?  Continue prospecting to them like anyone else on your list.