Category: Articles

Blog posts that are articles.

Should vs Could:  A Small Language Shift That Changed My Consulting Career

I’ve been working as a technical consultant to the paper industry for several decades.

Clients hired me because they saw me as a subject matter expert. They would often ask some version of:

“What should we do?”

And I usually answered exactly as they asked.

I told them what I thought they should do.

At the time, that felt completely appropriate. They were paying for expertise, and I believed expertise meant providing the answer.

But there was a problem.

On a very small number of occasions, clients chose not to follow my recommendations. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, I paid close attention. I’ve always had a strong desire to improve what I do, and I wanted to understand why that happened.

Eventually, I realized the issue wasn’t the client.

And it wasn’t the question they were asking.

The issue was that I had long been in the habit of telling people what they should do. Consulting simply gave that habit a professional setting.

Then I was exposed to a very different way of communicating through High Probability Selling.

One idea stood out immediately:

Offer choices. Don’t create pressure. Pressure creates resistance.

That led me to make one very small but very meaningful shift.

Instead of telling clients what they should do, I began laying out several things they could do.

I provided my opinions of the likely outcomes of each option as clearly as I could, based upon my own experience and judgment. I avoided expressing any preference for one option over another.

And then I asked:

“What do you want to do?”

That changed everything.

The client remained responsible for their decision.

I remained responsible for providing clear expertise and honest information.

Neither of us needed to control the other.

That shift from should to could made my consulting work better.

It also aligned perfectly with what both my clients and I actually wanted:

Clear technical advice.
Clear choices.
No unnecessary pressure.

Sometimes the most meaningful changes are remarkably small.

Sometimes it’s just one word.

Earlier today, Paul Bunn shared a short video from Daniel Pink that explores the difference between should and could in a way I found both clear and compelling.

I had already experienced the practical impact of that language shift in my consulting work, but his explanation helped me understand the distinction even more clearly.

If this idea resonates with you, the video is well worth watching.
“One Word that Will Change Your Life” by Daniel Pink

Do You Have Undiagnosed Hopiumitis?

A year or so ago, one of our HPS Forum participants introduced a word that perfectly describes a common challenge in selling. He called it Hopium.

Hopium is an odorless, colorless, tasteless gas that tends to affect salespeople more than most. Its symptoms are subtle. Its impact is predictable.

Hopium is what keeps us pursuing prospects who ghost us.
It leads us to “add value” excessively in the hope that someone will buy.
It convinces us that because someone needs what we offer, they must therefore want it — and will eventually do business.

Under the influence of Hopium, we:

  • Set appointments with people who have shown no intention of keeping them.
  • Refer to prospects as “clients” or “customers” before they have ever bought.
  • Continue conversations long after intention has failed to appear.

Hopium replaces clarity with optimism.

You arrive at an appointment. The prospect says, “You’ve got 10 minutes to pitch me,” even though they previously agreed to 30 minutes of uninterrupted time.

Instead of disqualifying, Hopium whispers: Maybe I can still make this work.

So we compress, persuade, and perform — abandoning process in favor of possibility.

Hopiumitis often goes undiagnosed.
Some label it “attachment” and attempt to appear detached.
Some fill their calendars with low-probability appointments under the belief that more activity will produce more results.
Others experience it intermittently — especially when pipeline anxiety rises.

A colleague once described regularly driving up to two hours for appointments without first asking the Conditional Commitment Question. The outcome was predictable: four-hour round trips and no business. Nothing unethical. Nothing aggressive. Just an unexamined assumption that interest might convert to intention.

That is Hopiumitis.

The challenge with Hopiumitis is that it feels productive. It feels positive. It feels like perseverance.

But in High Probability Selling, clarity replaces hope.
Intention replaces assumption.
Commitment replaces optimism.

The remedy for Hopiumitis is not force or effort. It is awareness — and adherence to principle.

The symptoms may appear externally, but the cure is internal.

Every moment presents the choice:
Proceed on hope — or proceed on probability.

We discussed the ghosting problem and how it is related to Hopiumitis in a HPS Community Forum conversation on Zoom. The video recording of that meeting will be available starting 6 Mar 2026 on our online store for $25 USD. 

Open vs. Closed Questions – What They Do to a Conversation

An open question is one that gives the other person the greatest latitude in how they can respond.  It leaves room for choice.  A closed question narrows that latitude and places more control with the person asking the question.  In selling, the difference matters because questions do more than gather information — they shape the emotional and decision-making space of the conversation.

A simple rule is to treat any yes/no question as a closed question, and any question that begins with how, why, what, or when as an open question. That’s ok as a general guideline, but there are very important exceptions.

For instance, “Is that something you want?” sounds like a closed question, but it leaves the other person entirely free.  There is no implied preference, no momentum to maintain, and no penalty for saying no.

“How’s that working for you?” sounds like an open question, but is most commonly used as criticism, pretending to be an invitation to reflect.  While many answers are technically possible, only a few feel safe.  In that way, the question reduces choice even as it appears to expand it.

What matters is not whether a question is technically open or closed, but where control resides.  Some questions give control to the other person.  Others quietly pull it back to the person asking.

So why does that happen?  Why do we sometimes try to narrow the other person’s choices, even when we know that pressure creates resistance and makes conversations feel unsafe?  In many cases, it has more to do with habit than with intent.

Restrictive questions often feel efficient.  They can seem like a way to move the conversation along or arrive at an answer more quickly.  The cost is that they also reduce the other person’s freedom to respond — sometimes without our realizing it.  We may also end up getting answers to the wrong questions, while a more open question could have led to something deeper and more useful.

Once you begin to notice what questions do to a conversation, you start hearing them differently — including your own.  The distinction becomes less about choosing the right kind of question and more about noticing where control is showing up.  Over time, that awareness changes the conversation on its own.  Questions begin to open because there is less need to manage the answer.  And the conversation becomes a place where clearer, more useful answers can emerge — naturally, and without force.

We explored this subject more deeply Thursday 22 January 2026 in a live and interactive conversation on Zoom.  The video recording of that conversation is available here ($25 USD).

We Are Suckers for the Appearance of Simplicity

Modern systems promise simplicity everywhere we look.
Fewer buttons.  Fewer choices.  Smarter defaults.
“Don’t worry — we know what you want.”

And we fall for it.

But what’s often called simple isn’t simpler.
It’s just less visible.

Instead of asking, systems decide.
Things happen that we didn’t choose.
Nothing feels complicated — until something goes wrong.

Then the work returns to us and becomes our problem:
figuring out what happened
and how to stop it from happening again.

The complexity never disappeared.
It just moved out of sight.

We accept this because we’re busy.  Overloaded.
Anything that promises to “just work” feels like relief.

But there’s a cost.

When understanding is removed along with effort,
control fades.
predictability fades.
trust fades.

Real simplicity doesn’t hide decisions.
It makes them clear.

Once you see the difference,
you see it everywhere.

Recognizing Leakage: The Subtle Signs of Persuasion

Leakage is when old habits and beliefs subtly intrude and interfere with what we are trying to become — an internal conflict between conditioning and intention. In High Probability Selling, we learn to recognize it, release it, and return to calm respect where real communication begins.

Leakage happens when a salesperson says they are not selling but their tone and timing say otherwise.  It shows up as tiny manipulations — the tie-down question, the overly warm laugh, the pause meant to create pressure.  Once you have seen it, you cannot unsee it. 

The human brain, especially the limbic system, detects those signals instantly.  The prospect may not know why they feel uneasy, but they feel it.  Leakage destroys clarity. 

In High Probability Selling, we learn to notice it first in ourselves.  Whenever you feel the urge to “get them,” pause.  Check your body.  Tightness in the chest, rush in the voice — those are signs of attachment.  Release them.  Return to respect. 

The goal is not to appear calm; it is to be calm.  When manipulation stops, communication becomes real again.  The prospect senses that there is nothing hidden, and the conversation becomes simple, direct, and free.  That freedom, not persuasion, is what makes agreements possible.

The Small-Town Agent and the Circle of Relationships

In a small town, every sales conversation echoes. In High Probability Selling, manipulation is not just ineffective — it’s dangerous. The small-town agent learns to stay truthful, respectful, and part of the same circle they serve.

Selling in a small town is different.  You are not the chicken dropping an egg and walking away.  You are the pig at breakfast — part of the meal.  Your life and your reputation stay inside the same circle. 

In that environment, High Probability Selling is not optional; it is survival.  Every conversation must be free of manipulation, because every prospect is also a neighbor.  A single attempt at persuasion can ripple for years. 

The small-town agent learns to qualify quickly and clearly.  “No” is not a failure; it is maintenance of peace.  Disqualifying someone for what you offer does not remove them from your circle.  It keeps the circle intact. 

The discipline of neutrality — saying exactly what is so, no more and no less — becomes a way of life.  Respect replaces performance.  When you treat each conversation as part of your ongoing community, not as a transaction, you stop chasing trust and start living inside it.

Adapted from a conversation between Paul Bunn and a student of High Probability Selling.

Protecting the Conversation: How to Keep the Container Clean

Every conversation has a container — an invisible boundary that defines safety and purpose. When persuasion enters, it becomes contaminated. In High Probability Selling, our goal is to keep that container clean so truth can be spoken without defense.

Every conversation has a container — an invisible boundary that defines safety, clarity, and purpose.  When manipulation enters, the container becomes contaminated.  The goal in High Probability Selling is to keep that container clean.

If you bring a subject-matter expert or partner into a meeting with the prospect, make sure you first tell the prospect, “I’ve asked this person to help with the details.  I’ve told them not to try to convince you of anything.  If they slip into selling, I’ll stop them right there.”  Then tell the expert the same thing.  That single statement protects everyone involved. 

A clean container allows each participant to speak truthfully without defense.  It turns the conversation from a contest into an exploration.  When people know they will not be persuaded, they begin to listen differently.  They relax.  They tell the truth.

The salesperson’s job is not to control outcomes but to maintain integrity within the dialogue.  When you respect the container, the conversation itself becomes the proof of who you are.  No presentation can match that.

You Can’t Build Trust — You Can Only Initiate Respect

High Probability Selling emphasizes the difference between trust and respect. Trust is an emotion that cannot be forced, while respect is initiated through honesty and thoughtful communication. By focusing on our behavior and maintaining a clean relationship, authentic trust can develop naturally, facilitating clearer decision-making without pressure in business interactions.

In High Probability Selling, we do not try to build trust.  Trust is a feeling, not a skill.  It arises naturally or not at all.  When a salesperson tries to “build trust,” what they usually do is attempt to control the other person’s feelings.  That becomes persuasion, even when the intent is good. 

Respect, however, is different.  Respect can be initiated.  It starts when we are truthful about what we are doing and what we want.  It continues when we ask questions that can be answered in any way — including ways that make us uncomfortable.  And it deepens when we take the other person’s answers seriously, without defending or correcting. 

Trying to generate trust puts attention on the prospect’s emotions.  Initiating respect keeps attention on our own behavior.  One can be chosen, the other cannot.  In practice, this means we speak clearly, listen completely, and accept whatever happens.  When respect is maintained, trust may appear on its own — authentic, organic, and unforced. 

The purpose of respect is not to make the sale easier.  It is to keep the relationship clean.  In that clean space, truth becomes visible.  Then both parties can decide, without pressure, whether it makes sense to do business together.

The Power of a Positive Last Impression

There was a recent blog post on the benefits of hearing a quick “no” when prospecting. Here are some additional thoughts on that concept. When non-HPS salespeople hear you accept “no” for an answer, it goes against all of their traditional and logical sales indoctrination. Some say it’s counter-cultural, counter-productive, and at least counterintuitive.

They say you’re giving up control of the sale to the prospect. That you lost a sale. The truth is that you can’t lose what you never had in the first place.

And when you stop clinging to every potential “yes,” you actually regain control of your business.

When you accept a “not now” without resistance:

  • You free yourself to find the next “yes now.”
  • Everyone leaves with a positive last impression— which matters more than you think. Even more than a first impression.
  • A positive last impression creates a future opening— a chance for the next impression. And the next and the next.

It may feel unnatural at first. But letting go of the need to get what you think you need this time opens the possibility of a next time, when the prospect is ready—and doing so with integrity throughout the process.

You have a choice in every sales conversation, and you are in complete control of your choice:

  • You can attempt to drag out a fight with reality, or
  • You can create a memory of effortless collaboration and respect.

You wanted a “yes.” You didn’t get it. That’s okay. You still get to choose how you show up.

Because by giving your prospect the power to say “no,” you also keep your power to continue.

Feedback We Received About This Blog

A few days ago, we sent an email to most of the people who subscribe to the HPS Blog.  We asked questions about posting frequency, length of posts, type of content, style, and anything else.

The email was sent to 256 subscribers.  The reported open rate was 36%.  Several people took the time to respond.  Here’s what we learned:

Frequency

Opinions varied.  Some want a post every weekday, while others prefer just one per week.  Most readers seem comfortable with the current pace of 3–4 posts per week.

Length

A mix of lengths works best.  Short posts are easy to digest, but many readers also want the occasional longer or deeper article.

Content

Readers are most interested in clear, practical applications of HPS and concepts that they can use right away.  Comparisons with other sales methods should be minimal.  Case studies are welcome.

Style

Most responses indicate satisfaction with the current style.  A practical and informative tone is appreciated, with some readers valuing variety in approach.

Our Conclusions

  • We will continue posting at roughly 3–4 times per week, while keeping in mind that some readers prefer fewer, and some prefer more.
  • We will maintain a mix of short posts and occasionally publish longer pieces, especially case studies or deeper explorations.
  • We will stay with our current tone — clear, conversational, and useful.

Thank you to everyone who responded.  Your feedback helps us keep the HPS Blog relevant and valuable.