HPS Community Forum – Thursday, September 18, 2025
In this session, we explored two core questions: why do we try to change people, and what happens when we stop?
Why do we try to change people?
- From childhood, we learn to manipulate others as a way to survive and get what we need. Even as adults, it is hard to let go of those early strategies.
- Ego plays a role—we believe we know best.
- Often we don’t stop to consider alternatives.
- Many of us hold on to the belief that we can change others, despite evidence that it rarely works.
- Attempts to change others can also come from a sense of powerlessness.
- Sometimes it is rooted in good intentions: wanting to help, fix, or rescue someone who appears to be struggling.
What happens when we stop trying?
- A sense of peace and acceptance emerges, since we are no longer pushing against the impossible.
- The effort required to interact with others decreases dramatically.
- We stop worrying about what to say next, and simply listen.
- Conversations become more relaxed and natural.
- We absorb and understand more from the other person.
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