Relationship Selling

Would you trust someone who tried to form a relationship with you solely for the purpose of selling you something?

Many salespeople believe that the key to getting someone to buy is to build a “relationship” first.  They are the ones who say “how are you” on a cold call.

Saying “how are you” on a cold call is one of the signs that someone is going to try to get you to buy.  You may have noticed that, consciously or unconsciously, and it may affect your decision about whether you will buy from that salesperson or not.

In High Probability Selling, we don’t try to build relationships.  Relationships come from doing business, not the other way around.

Author: Carl Ingalls

Administrator for High Probability Selling Blog

15 thoughts on “Relationship Selling”

    1. Paul,

      We have discovered that HPS salespeople make more sales when they remove those words from their prospecting scripts, and simply begin with “This is …”

      You will have to make your own decision about whether you should or should not say “Hi” or “Hello” on a cold call.

      If you’re not using High Probability Prospecting, it may not matter.

      Carl Ingalls


      1. Jacques Werth teaches to begin your call by saying,

        “John Prospect, please.”

        Then give your twenty second offer.

        However, I do not always have the name of the prospect. So when the phone is answered, do you suggest beginning your call by simply giving your offer?

        “This is Paul Eilers with…”


        1. Paul,

          We don’t prospect the way you do, so we don’t have any relevant experience. When we present an offer, we always have a name.

          Anything we might suggest to you would be a guess of what logically should work. HPS is not based on that. It’s based on what we see, what we do, and what we measure.

          If I were in your shoes, I’d pick something, try it out, and measure the results.

          If any of our readers has experience using High Probability Prospecting with a list of phone numbers without names, we’d love to hear from you.

          Carl Ingalls


  1. All depends, I’d say. If you were a salesman selling yourself as a psychologist, and there are such salespeople selling their services, “How are you” might just fit.


    1. Frank,

      It might fit, or it might not. We don’t know.

      What you said makes sense, but HPS was never based on making sense. It was based on watching what very successful salespeople were doing, trying it out, and measuring results.

      Carl Ingalls


        1. Frank,

          There may be some successful salespeople who want to keep others from learning what they do, but we haven’t found many.

          Jacques Werth found several hundred very successful salespeople who were willing to let him watch them work and take notes.

          Carl Ingalls


  2. That’s HPS.

    My business is w/a nutritional manufacturer since 1996 and distribution is via network marketing. The stigmas against what I do are long standing and well known. “It’s all about the relationship,” is one of the laws of network marketing I hear all the time and it’s also in practice one of the things that gives what I doa well deserved bad name.

    The common interpretation of that is to F.O.R.M people first meaning build rapport and cleverly asking seemingly random and innocent questions about Family – Occupation – Recreation – Money.

    All that wastes time, creates suspicion as it should, and turns people off as it furthers the dislike of all things network marketing.

    HPS is much better. People smell horse shit disguised as “I really care about you.”


  3. Anyone cold calling me who asks how I am causes me pure irritation. I have been known to comment that it’s none of their business how I am, so there is no way I would deal with them.The only relationship I want with a salesperson is an honest one, so tell me who you are and what you are offering and do it quickly.


    1. Hello Linda,

      Thank you very much for your comment. I especially enjoyed your words, “The only relationship I want with a salesperson is an honest one…” It says a lot.

      I also feel irritation when a salesperson says “how are you”. I normally act like they never said that, and are just waiting for me to tell them what to do.

      So I ask, “What is the purpose of your call?”

      If I am interested (which means that I want to learn something, not buy something), I might listen to them for a while, or even talk about selling methods.

      When I am not interested, I disengage. I say “Goodbye” in a neutral tone and I hang up. I don’t wait for their permission. I remain in control.

      Keeping a calm tone and demeanor helps me feel less stressed about the whole encounter.

      Carl Ingalls


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