Tag: persuasion

Recognizing Leakage: The Subtle Signs of Persuasion

Leakage is when old habits and beliefs subtly intrude and interfere with what we are trying to become — an internal conflict between conditioning and intention. In High Probability Selling, we learn to recognize it, release it, and return to calm respect where real communication begins.

Leakage happens when a salesperson says they are not selling but their tone and timing say otherwise.  It shows up as tiny manipulations — the tie-down question, the overly warm laugh, the pause meant to create pressure.  Once you have seen it, you cannot unsee it. 

The human brain, especially the limbic system, detects those signals instantly.  The prospect may not know why they feel uneasy, but they feel it.  Leakage destroys clarity. 

In High Probability Selling, we learn to notice it first in ourselves.  Whenever you feel the urge to “get them,” pause.  Check your body.  Tightness in the chest, rush in the voice — those are signs of attachment.  Release them.  Return to respect. 

The goal is not to appear calm; it is to be calm.  When manipulation stops, communication becomes real again.  The prospect senses that there is nothing hidden, and the conversation becomes simple, direct, and free.  That freedom, not persuasion, is what makes agreements possible.

Protecting the Conversation: How to Keep the Container Clean

Every conversation has a container — an invisible boundary that defines safety and purpose. When persuasion enters, it becomes contaminated. In High Probability Selling, our goal is to keep that container clean so truth can be spoken without defense.

Every conversation has a container — an invisible boundary that defines safety, clarity, and purpose.  When manipulation enters, the container becomes contaminated.  The goal in High Probability Selling is to keep that container clean.

If you bring a subject-matter expert or partner into a meeting with the prospect, make sure you first tell the prospect, “I’ve asked this person to help with the details.  I’ve told them not to try to convince you of anything.  If they slip into selling, I’ll stop them right there.”  Then tell the expert the same thing.  That single statement protects everyone involved. 

A clean container allows each participant to speak truthfully without defense.  It turns the conversation from a contest into an exploration.  When people know they will not be persuaded, they begin to listen differently.  They relax.  They tell the truth.

The salesperson’s job is not to control outcomes but to maintain integrity within the dialogue.  When you respect the container, the conversation itself becomes the proof of who you are.  No presentation can match that.

You Can’t Build Trust — You Can Only Initiate Respect

High Probability Selling emphasizes the difference between trust and respect. Trust is an emotion that cannot be forced, while respect is initiated through honesty and thoughtful communication. By focusing on our behavior and maintaining a clean relationship, authentic trust can develop naturally, facilitating clearer decision-making without pressure in business interactions.

In High Probability Selling, we do not try to build trust.  Trust is a feeling, not a skill.  It arises naturally or not at all.  When a salesperson tries to “build trust,” what they usually do is attempt to control the other person’s feelings.  That becomes persuasion, even when the intent is good. 

Respect, however, is different.  Respect can be initiated.  It starts when we are truthful about what we are doing and what we want.  It continues when we ask questions that can be answered in any way — including ways that make us uncomfortable.  And it deepens when we take the other person’s answers seriously, without defending or correcting. 

Trying to generate trust puts attention on the prospect’s emotions.  Initiating respect keeps attention on our own behavior.  One can be chosen, the other cannot.  In practice, this means we speak clearly, listen completely, and accept whatever happens.  When respect is maintained, trust may appear on its own — authentic, organic, and unforced. 

The purpose of respect is not to make the sale easier.  It is to keep the relationship clean.  In that clean space, truth becomes visible.  Then both parties can decide, without pressure, whether it makes sense to do business together.

Features vs Benefits and How This Matters in HPS

A feature is a factual attribute of a product, service, or offering.  It’s something it has or does.  It is usually immediate and certain.

A benefit is the outcome or advantage that the customer is expected to experience because of that feature.  It usually appears later and is not always certain.

There are a few things that fall somewhere between features and benefits, but most are clearly one or the other.

When your purpose in selling is to influence someone’s desire for something you offer, it makes a lot of sense to use benefits instead of features.  This is the idea behind Traditional Selling.

When your purpose in selling is to discover instead of to persuade, then features work better than benefits.  This is the idea behind High Probability Selling.

We do mention benefits in High Probability Selling, but only after the prospect has decided that they want what we are offering, and has indicated that they are likely enough to buy from us if we can meet all of their Conditions of Satisfaction.  Even then, we always balance the benefits (potential positive outcomes) with the detriments (potential negative outcomes). We remain objective.

We would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic.  Please leave a reply on this blog post, so others can join in the conversation.

Who Else is Teaching Sales Methods that Resemble High Probability Selling?

High Probability Selling (HPS) has been around for decades, yet most sales training programs today still focus on persuasion, manipulation, and closing techniques.  Even so, there is a growing movement of sales thinkers and trainers who advocate methods that echo some of the same principles as HPS, even if they never mention it by name.

Here are a few examples:

1. The Challenger Sale (Matthew Dixon & Brent Adamson)
This approach emphasizes teaching, tailoring, and taking control.  While it still assumes that persuasion plays a role, the Challenger model encourages salespeople to qualify opportunities more rigorously and avoid wasting time on prospects who are unlikely to act.

2. SPIN Selling (Neil Rackham)
SPIN focuses on asking questions that uncover a buyer’s situation, problem, implication, and need-payoff.  It shares some similarities with HPS in that it reduces pressure on the seller to pitch and instead emphasizes discovery.  However, it still assumes the salesperson can lead a prospect to a conclusion through carefully structured questioning.

3. Sandler Selling System
Sandler training stresses equal business stature between buyer and seller, up-front contracts, and disqualifying prospects who are not a good fit.  This alignment with HPS is clear—especially the idea of putting aside low-probability prospects instead of chasing them.  Where it differs is in its continued reliance on techniques for nudging or steering the prospect.

4. Customer-Centric Selling (Michael Bosworth & John Holland)
This framework shifts focus away from persuading and toward facilitating a buying process that is on the customer’s terms.  It emphasizes listening and aligning with the buyer’s goals.  The overlap with HPS lies in respect for the buyer’s decision-making.  Still, it often circles back to “advancing the sale,” which is at odds with the HPS principle of waiting for probability, not possibility.

5. Trust-Based Selling (Charles Green, author of The Trusted Advisor)
This method focuses on transparency, credibility, and focusing on the client’s interests.  It resonates with the HPS principle that trust and respect cannot be manufactured but must arise naturally from communication.  However, it tends to overemphasize relationship-building, which HPS deliberately avoids in the prospecting stage.

The Distinction of High Probability Selling

All of these approaches represent a shift away from the hard-sell tactics that dominated traditional sales training.  They encourage more listening, more honesty, and more focus on whether the buyer is a good fit.  In this way, they resemble HPS.

But the difference is fundamental:  most of these systems still assume that persuasion and influence are essential parts of selling.  High Probability Selling rejects that assumption entirely.  Instead of persuading, HPS is about searching—finding the prospects who want what you are offering, and only then continuing the conversation.

That distinction may seem subtle, but it changes everything.  It frees salespeople from chasing, pushing, or performing.  It also frees prospects from the pressure of being sold to.  What remains is a respectful, efficient, and surprisingly simple way of doing business.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this, even if you disagree (especially if you disagree). Please comment or reply to this post online, so others may benefit from your perspective.

Forum Summary – Why do we try to change people and what happens when we stop?

HPS Community Forum – Thursday, September 18, 2025

In this session, we explored two core questions:  why do we try to change people, and what happens when we stop?

Why do we try to change people?

  • From childhood, we learn to manipulate others as a way to survive and get what we need.  Even as adults, it is hard to let go of those early strategies.
  • Ego plays a role—we believe we know best.
  • Often we don’t stop to consider alternatives.
  • Many of us hold on to the belief that we can change others, despite evidence that it rarely works.
  • Attempts to change others can also come from a sense of powerlessness.
  • Sometimes it is rooted in good intentions:  wanting to help, fix, or rescue someone who appears to be struggling.

What happens when we stop trying?

  • A sense of peace and acceptance emerges, since we are no longer pushing against the impossible.
  • The effort required to interact with others decreases dramatically.
  • We stop worrying about what to say next, and simply listen.
  • Conversations become more relaxed and natural.
  • We absorb and understand more from the other person.

When People Change (their mind)

Dr. John C. Maxwell listed 4 “seasons” about when people change, as he explained in this YouTube video. Note that he called them “seasons” and not “reasons”.

  1. When they hurt enough that they have to
  2. When they see enough they’re inspired to
  3. When they learn enough that they want to
  4. When they receive enough that they are able to

There is nothing in his list about someone convincing them to change. I don’t know why he skipped that one, but I can guess. Perhaps he didn’t think it happened enough to matter.

I also noted that three out of his four points have nothing to do with pain, problems, or need. Only the first one.

Maxwell seems to say that change comes from within each individual, and only when they decide that they are going to change. That fits very well with the thinking behind High Probability Selling.

We do not try to make someone change. We don’t even try to influence someone’s decision to change.

We just want to be there when they do decide to change.

It’s all about positioning. Being in the right place at the right time.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this. For instance, why do you think Maxwell called them “seasons” instead of “reasons”. You are welcome to leave a comment or reply on this blog post.

Pain Point Diggers

Question (on Reddit)

LinkedIn’s all sunshine, but how do you find actual pain points?  Beyond LinkedIn, where do you research?  How do you spot unspoken issues, and how do you dig deeper when they say “everything’s fine”?

Answer (by Paul Bunn)

They’re saying everything is fine because they aren’t as naive as you assume.

Successful prospects (humans) have a lot of experience with salespeople.  And they know a “Pain Point Digger” when they see one.

They know if they reveal anything to a Pain Point Digger, the digger will use that information to TRY to manipulate them into doing something they don’t want to do now.

They know from experience that Pain Point Diggers CANNOT be trusted.

Digging for pain points is a logical tactic.  Human beings, including yourself, are illogical.

It’s not your fault.  You’re just following logical orders.

The Quest for the Perfect Offer

In spite of advising myself and others, for like 30 years, to give up the search for the perfect offer to which everyone will say “yes”, I confess that I still get excited by a compelling and crafty series of words that appear from time to time.

As it turns out, even marketing greats like Seth Godin can believe strongly in an irresistible offer which he was convinced would work perfectly. He’s written more than 20 super successful books about marketing. If anyone can create a perfect offer, he can.

The following is a timeless (IMHO) blog post about an irresistible offer (almost a no-brainer) that he created and used in real life, with real people, and the outcomes he observed.

Link: https://seths.blog/2005/08/i_changed_my_mi/

Worth a careful read…or three. I get something more everytime I read it. Seth’s blog has always been for me, time well spent.

High Probability Selling Versus Human Nature

High Probability Selling demands that we stop trying to control others, and this goes against some parts of our human nature. 

We begin life as babies who manipulate people in order to get the care that we need.  It’s a natural survival tactic that works. 

As we mature, we gradually learn alternative ways of interacting, ways that are less manipulative and more cooperative, but we never completely let go of trying to control other people. 

And this can get in the way of being successful with High Probability Selling.  Even the most proficient practitioners occasionally find themselves drifting into old habits. 

The trick is to learn to recognize when we are drifting, and to have a way of getting back into the High Probability way of being.

Different people have different ways of doing that.

How do you manage it?